Elyse Hamilton-Soares
Personal Essay
September 11, 2009
Woods of Wisdom
BY ELYSE HAMILTON-SOARES
All my life I have felt like a square peg in a round hole, out of step with the world. Often feeling disillusioned and frustrated, I sought the comfort of others to heal my woes. Friends and family often fell short of my expectations and I was left feeling even more confused and hopeless. Therapists and healers offered some relief but mostly only in the safe haven of their office. This pain of my perceived separation from those around me has caused me much suffering and, because of my acute sensitivity, great disconnect from loved ones as well. I have carried with me, as most do I believe, a longing for community and unconditional love. As these desires have become so ingrained in me, I oftentimes carry them with me but do not feel the burden of them until they are lifted from me. As I entered Jefferson County Park that Tuesday afternoon, I had no expectations of what lay ahead. With the leaves crackling beneath my Tevas, I was about to discover the true knowledge and unconditional support I had been searching for.
I entered the woods around 10:30 A.M. alongside two of my classmates, Jenny and Theresa. Being somewhat of an amateur hiker, I was at first reluctant to part company with them, for fear of becoming lost. So we walked together, partaking in conversation about children and other various topics. As we began to become wrapped in the still beauty of the woods, we slowly separated, each of us choosing our own agendas and paths to take. Jenny snapping pictures with her film camera, which my point and shoot digital paled in comparison to. Theresa opting to rest her bones on a wrought iron bench covered with moss. I continued on along the trail, glancing every so often behind me to make sure they were still within sight. A bundle of small red berries caught my attention and taking out my camera, I snapped its picture. I was struck by the contrast of the vibrant crimson fruit against the green foliage surrounding it. Jenny, noticing the same berries, opened her journal and began to sketch. Having only a pencil to work with, she could only catch the essence of the berries but it seemed to be enough. Further along I noticed some delicate white flowers and stopped to photograph them as well. At first glance, the flowers appeared to be uniform in size and shape but upon further reflection I noticed the true significance of this scene. Behind the fully maturated flora in the foreground, lay the sleeping, closed adolescent buds, completely oblivious to the fact that its neighbors received most of the attention.
Somewhere within that first hour, I discovered I was alone. The fear I had when I began my journey had all but disappeared. I took a deep breath and as I fine tuned my senses to the forest encircling me, I began to discover activity in the silence. I beheld whole universes within the stillness. One leaf playfully danced above my head, suspended in midair by a transparent web. Squirrels scurried along the protective arms of the trees, no deadlines to meet, no worries of schedules to fill. I heard a choir of what sounded like dozens of chirping birds far above me. When my eyes searched the for them among the branches, they were nowhere to be found. Maybe these birds symbolized God in some way, making their presence known while maintaining their anonimity. Although all these events were occurring simultaneously, at no point did I feel overwhelmed. I effortlessly was able to process it all at a rate my brain and heart could sustain.
As I marveled at the majestic trees towering above me, with the sun's golden rays piercing through their leaves like strobelights, I was reminded of my childhood day trips in the car with my family. As we would barrel along the highway, the passing trees were dancers, swaying this way and that, elegantly bowing to me as I dreamily gazed out my window at them. My family thought I was mindlessly daydreaming as I imagined choreographed dances with the trees as my lead participants.
The sights and sounds continued to fill me with wonder as the words of Wendell Berry rang in my head. "Our senses, after all, were developed to function at foot speeds." The hustle and bustle of everyday life often puts our senses on overload. We miss what is right under our noses. In the stillness of this dynamic landscape, I could discern the eternal wisdom of our Creator. Her words comforted me and sustained me along my journey through her corridors. Here was living proof of the Vedic principle, "There is harmony in diversity." Many profess to feel this adage. Nature exudes it. The red fruit does not shun the leaves that surround it. The fallen, lightning struck tree lays proudly next to its tall, unscathed neighbor. The ivory flower, to my eye, was not in competition with the wilting, somewhat colorless weed by its side. Nature lives in complete accordance with itself. Its borders always remain open to outside sources and although Nature has been burned many times over, literally and figuratively, open it remains. Here I was loved. Here I was supported. I was not merely a visitor that Nature accepted as its own. I was an integral element contained within its structure. I did not take this lightly. I opened myself to the timelessness of God's Country and allowed the deep knowledge to wash over me.
When I next joined my friends, it was nearly lunchtime. As we headed back to the picnic area, a lovely white deer pranced across the trail into the woods to our right. Astonishingly, it stopped in its tracks just a few feet in, as curious about us as we were of it. We all tediously grabbed our cameras to capture its image, expecting it to flee in panic at any moment. My first name is Faun and, having gone by this name for most of my life, I connected with the cautious yet gentle spirit of the deer. She preened herself meticulously all the while never losing sight of our admirable glances. She lingered just long enough for us to admire its beauty before taking off top speed to some unknown destination.
After rejoining our group and sitting down for lunch, I took a deep breath reflecting on the day's events. As my classmates and I engaged in trivial topics ranging from hostile Fairfield train conductors to new films we liked or disliked, I noticed a renewal of spirit within myself. The usual alienation that I would feel at most social gatherings was not present. In its place was an overwhelming feeling of connectedness. In attempting to fit into this world, I and undoubtedly those around me, have forgotten that our individual differences are what make us unique. Without them, we are all uniform, statuesque trees and patches of red berries. Our individuality is the backbone of artistic expression, whether it be a visual masterpiece or a haunting poem. As a child, there was no separation between Nature and I. It was only the proposed laws of teachers and parents that created this disconnect. By the time adolescence had descended upon me, I had forgotten that being a square peg in a round hole was not something to disdain within myself but rather something to hold in high regard. The wisdom of the woods had reminded me that we are all glorious in the eyes of the Universe. Leonard Cohen said it best when he wrote, "There are cracks in everything, that's how the light gets in." My self-perceived imperfections had today allowed me to channel the Infinite knowledge of Nature which I have had within me all along. I only needed to change speeds to access it. I wish I could say that I would hold onto this knowledge every moment of my life for evermore. I can only live the best I can, making the time to take more strolls in the woods and remembering above all else that I am loved and supported wherever I roam.
Personal Essay
September 11, 2009
Woods of Wisdom
BY ELYSE HAMILTON-SOARES
All my life I have felt like a square peg in a round hole, out of step with the world. Often feeling disillusioned and frustrated, I sought the comfort of others to heal my woes. Friends and family often fell short of my expectations and I was left feeling even more confused and hopeless. Therapists and healers offered some relief but mostly only in the safe haven of their office. This pain of my perceived separation from those around me has caused me much suffering and, because of my acute sensitivity, great disconnect from loved ones as well. I have carried with me, as most do I believe, a longing for community and unconditional love. As these desires have become so ingrained in me, I oftentimes carry them with me but do not feel the burden of them until they are lifted from me. As I entered Jefferson County Park that Tuesday afternoon, I had no expectations of what lay ahead. With the leaves crackling beneath my Tevas, I was about to discover the true knowledge and unconditional support I had been searching for.
I entered the woods around 10:30 A.M. alongside two of my classmates, Jenny and Theresa. Being somewhat of an amateur hiker, I was at first reluctant to part company with them, for fear of becoming lost. So we walked together, partaking in conversation about children and other various topics. As we began to become wrapped in the still beauty of the woods, we slowly separated, each of us choosing our own agendas and paths to take. Jenny snapping pictures with her film camera, which my point and shoot digital paled in comparison to. Theresa opting to rest her bones on a wrought iron bench covered with moss. I continued on along the trail, glancing every so often behind me to make sure they were still within sight. A bundle of small red berries caught my attention and taking out my camera, I snapped its picture. I was struck by the contrast of the vibrant crimson fruit against the green foliage surrounding it. Jenny, noticing the same berries, opened her journal and began to sketch. Having only a pencil to work with, she could only catch the essence of the berries but it seemed to be enough. Further along I noticed some delicate white flowers and stopped to photograph them as well. At first glance, the flowers appeared to be uniform in size and shape but upon further reflection I noticed the true significance of this scene. Behind the fully maturated flora in the foreground, lay the sleeping, closed adolescent buds, completely oblivious to the fact that its neighbors received most of the attention.
Somewhere within that first hour, I discovered I was alone. The fear I had when I began my journey had all but disappeared. I took a deep breath and as I fine tuned my senses to the forest encircling me, I began to discover activity in the silence. I beheld whole universes within the stillness. One leaf playfully danced above my head, suspended in midair by a transparent web. Squirrels scurried along the protective arms of the trees, no deadlines to meet, no worries of schedules to fill. I heard a choir of what sounded like dozens of chirping birds far above me. When my eyes searched the for them among the branches, they were nowhere to be found. Maybe these birds symbolized God in some way, making their presence known while maintaining their anonimity. Although all these events were occurring simultaneously, at no point did I feel overwhelmed. I effortlessly was able to process it all at a rate my brain and heart could sustain.
As I marveled at the majestic trees towering above me, with the sun's golden rays piercing through their leaves like strobelights, I was reminded of my childhood day trips in the car with my family. As we would barrel along the highway, the passing trees were dancers, swaying this way and that, elegantly bowing to me as I dreamily gazed out my window at them. My family thought I was mindlessly daydreaming as I imagined choreographed dances with the trees as my lead participants.
The sights and sounds continued to fill me with wonder as the words of Wendell Berry rang in my head. "Our senses, after all, were developed to function at foot speeds." The hustle and bustle of everyday life often puts our senses on overload. We miss what is right under our noses. In the stillness of this dynamic landscape, I could discern the eternal wisdom of our Creator. Her words comforted me and sustained me along my journey through her corridors. Here was living proof of the Vedic principle, "There is harmony in diversity." Many profess to feel this adage. Nature exudes it. The red fruit does not shun the leaves that surround it. The fallen, lightning struck tree lays proudly next to its tall, unscathed neighbor. The ivory flower, to my eye, was not in competition with the wilting, somewhat colorless weed by its side. Nature lives in complete accordance with itself. Its borders always remain open to outside sources and although Nature has been burned many times over, literally and figuratively, open it remains. Here I was loved. Here I was supported. I was not merely a visitor that Nature accepted as its own. I was an integral element contained within its structure. I did not take this lightly. I opened myself to the timelessness of God's Country and allowed the deep knowledge to wash over me.
When I next joined my friends, it was nearly lunchtime. As we headed back to the picnic area, a lovely white deer pranced across the trail into the woods to our right. Astonishingly, it stopped in its tracks just a few feet in, as curious about us as we were of it. We all tediously grabbed our cameras to capture its image, expecting it to flee in panic at any moment. My first name is Faun and, having gone by this name for most of my life, I connected with the cautious yet gentle spirit of the deer. She preened herself meticulously all the while never losing sight of our admirable glances. She lingered just long enough for us to admire its beauty before taking off top speed to some unknown destination.
After rejoining our group and sitting down for lunch, I took a deep breath reflecting on the day's events. As my classmates and I engaged in trivial topics ranging from hostile Fairfield train conductors to new films we liked or disliked, I noticed a renewal of spirit within myself. The usual alienation that I would feel at most social gatherings was not present. In its place was an overwhelming feeling of connectedness. In attempting to fit into this world, I and undoubtedly those around me, have forgotten that our individual differences are what make us unique. Without them, we are all uniform, statuesque trees and patches of red berries. Our individuality is the backbone of artistic expression, whether it be a visual masterpiece or a haunting poem. As a child, there was no separation between Nature and I. It was only the proposed laws of teachers and parents that created this disconnect. By the time adolescence had descended upon me, I had forgotten that being a square peg in a round hole was not something to disdain within myself but rather something to hold in high regard. The wisdom of the woods had reminded me that we are all glorious in the eyes of the Universe. Leonard Cohen said it best when he wrote, "There are cracks in everything, that's how the light gets in." My self-perceived imperfections had today allowed me to channel the Infinite knowledge of Nature which I have had within me all along. I only needed to change speeds to access it. I wish I could say that I would hold onto this knowledge every moment of my life for evermore. I can only live the best I can, making the time to take more strolls in the woods and remembering above all else that I am loved and supported wherever I roam.
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